LeNor Barry

Only eye

I was going to put on my glasses or contacts, but it may be better if I can’t see what I am about to write, or what I am going to write about, since I have no idea what it is that seems to want to be said, or why. Why should I need to see what the paper says if I am in the dark anyway? Mostly, it is easier to write when you can see the ink being left behind by the pen tip, but it is really not absolutely necessary .

Long ago in a nearly all analog world I began to be suspicious (which I now realize has become my nature) of the difference between writing with a keyboard and writing with my hand. It was just before the LP was replaced by the CD. Although the differences are subtle, they are there. But somehow even though I know something was being lost, I can’t put my finger on exactly what it is, so my conclusions are still up in the air, like this economy.

I don’t know why the act of writing with a pen is so different from writing with a keyboard, but it seems a subject of immense fascination to me. I have noticed that most subjects that fascinate me don’t fascinate others, and I have noticed that that fact does not taint me with the stain of superiority or inferiority, and I think that is a very good thing. But it does frustrate me at times and makes me feel a little isolated, yet I enjoy my seclusion so much I am grateful for a reason to withdraw from this world. Now we have done something truly irreversible and profoundly changed the human destiny with the rise of the internet. I believe we have done something that has speeded up time. Speeded up evolution, we have completely changed every part of our universe with this technology.

So that is one reason I love to withdraw from this rush into the unknown. There are so many things I am not ready for, or not meant for. I am learning not to be afraid to be afraid. I realize that to walk I must fall forward into and onto the unknown. I realize in a dim and kind of infantile way that I must create the very ground that I step on before I fall forward onto it, I am as a god.

I have awareness’s I cannot speak or write of, concepts that are moving images that are emotionally and physically involved with each other and with my thought process. They are just beyond my ability to interpret or describe – yet I understand completely what they are and what they are doing, they are creating substance. The world is abundant because of substance, and I am helping to create it. It is growth.

So I think that I have decided that the process of writing with a pen changes the things I say, but I’m so unsure. I don’t trust the interpretations of science to dissect my experience with my own gray matter. In not trusting I can explore much more easily, I like to live life inside of boundaries I have placed there for reasons that I have made up for myself.

So a scientist my tell me that I may be using a different part of my brain when I write with a pen than when both hands are on a keyboard, and that is the reason for the discrepancy . There! Problem solved. No mystery there! You see! So, why bother to wonder? You’re just wasting your time, and my time. My scientific time! Which is worth a lot to someone, not to you of course, but to me, to my lifestyle, to my livelihood!